Nov 16, 2011

How Much Is That Doggie In The Window

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AkLE4X-bbU

Why do women prefer bad boys? Do they really make our hearts beat faster? Do we all like to play with fire? Well I have to admit I was hopelessly attracted to bad boys before, especially a certain type, the worst kind actually, alpha males.

But alpha males are also bastards. They have to be ruthless and self-centered to reach where they are and to stay in command. They exude confidence and charm. Oh girls fall for them the minute they show any interest. Even men can’t seem to resist them. They are men’s men.

You can find many books teaching men how to become alpha males. Ironically, guys, if you are even contemplating buying one now, I tell you, you won't be able to make it, although you can probably fake it. But it's a good thing really, I can assure you, because alpha-males are the loneliest men in the world.

They will promise you everything at the beginning, because they will say and do anything just to get what they want. In fact, alpha males only focus on what they want and live their life on their terms. What other people think or feel means nothing to them. You are expected to make all the compromises, because they won’t.

And the cleverer ones will ask how are you, even if you are living together, because it’s the safest way to show they care. You see, they don’t want to ask the wrong person how’s her sick mother, do they? But anyway your answer is irrelevant. I suggest next time you tell them your mum just died and wait for them to say, “Oh so everything is OK then.”

They are usually multi-tasking when they are talking to you, not because they have to, but because they are too important to do one thing at a time, especially things like talking to you.

To remain dominant, they reassert their top-dog position through aggression and disregard for others, and sometimes they even stage fights just to show you who’s the boss. They seize every opportunity to pull rank. And they patronize and belittle you.

One thing they absolutely hate is to be told what to do, even if it's just in their imagination. Now if you are really bored one day, just start any sentence with "you should," and you don't even have to finish it, like "You should take an umbrella...(it might rain later.)" or " You should be able to sleep tonight...(it's not that hot anymore.)" Trust me, it's much more entertaining than watching fireworks.

When they unfortunately fall in love and thus feel vulnerable and insecure, they are fast to accuse and criticize. And if you are emotionally mature enough not to be provoked, they will verbally abuse you until you finally crack. But as soon as you lose control, they will suddenly calm down and ask why you are so irrational. They are the firm believers that the best defense is offense. So they make sure they always attack first and fast. 

And when things go wrong, they will blame it all on you, because we all know alpha males can never make mistakes. Sorry, it must have been you. Their favorite thing to say is “Why do you always cause problems?” But they are also the most difficult to break up with, because when they decide to be nice to you, they can produce miracles. And you live for those rare magical moments.

But you know what, alpha males are all Peter Pan deep down. They are always looking for their Wendy, since girls leave them one after another when the poor girls eventually grow up and get fed up.

Well I think I’ve finally learned my lesson too.

Nov 15, 2011

Another Cup Of Coffee



People are too clever to love now. But we all want to be loved. Sadly, nobody is that stupid anymore. So we get pets.

I’ve been thinking if I should move somewhere to have a better chance of finding a decent man or just stay in Tokyo and get myself a pet.

A friend sent me this song, but I don’t think I am ready for another cup of coffee, or maybe I’ve completely gone off coffee now. I’ve always kind of like tea anyway!

We make all sorts of decisions every day, like ramen or pasta, black shirt or white, tea or coffee, etc, etc. But there are some heavyweight decisions that can keep you awake all night, tossing and turning in bed thinking. They are the life-altering decisions we have to face, but fortunately not too often.

Luckily I have some wise friends and after the vote, the best decision I can come up with now is not to make any decision yet!!!

I don’t need any man to make me happy. I just need to keep my chin up and remember that I can be happy alone anywhere.

No I don’t need any pets either. I’ve got something even better. I’ve got my friends around me, right here in Tokyo.

Nov 14, 2011

I Do

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0oyglKjbFQ&ob=av3e

The third and final part of the day was the “second party” in a trendy restaurant where basically anyone could just walk in. I was exhausted by then, but also very glad that I didn’t have any weddings myself, even if I could look as stunning as the bride for just one day.

Oh no, I simply won’t survive. I think you have to be extremely fit both mentally and physically to have a proper wedding. But it might be a good thing after all. Any couple who can go through that together will certainly stick forever!

I finally got to talk to the newly-weds a bit at the second party and started to understand why they chose to have a traditional Japanese wedding, instead of a fake church wedding which is far more popular here in Japan. They obviously still believe in family and tradition, which is very rare to see nowadays.

Having experienced myself and also seen so many tragic endings of marriages, you would think I am too cynical to believe in fairy tales now. But somehow I know this time this extraordinary couple will be all right, perhaps it’s the way their friends smiled at them in tears, or perhaps it’s how much time, effort and love they have put into the preparation for their special day to mark the beginning of their new lives together.

Thank you guys, for making me believe again. Sorry, I think I will finally cry now!

Nov 13, 2011

Spend My Life With You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVAvWBgG_BI

Have you been to a traditional Japanese wedding? Well, I went to my first one yesterday. I know I should probably wait for my memory to distill before I write about it, but I really feel it's the most beautiful Japan experience I've ever had so far, even after all these years in Japan.

The ceremony was held in Meiji shrine where the couple exchanged vows and received God’s blessing in front all the people important to them (except me, who they met for the first time and were generous enough to let me be part of it!)

With the bride’s family sitting on one side, and the groom’s the other, the ceremony started. Not only the couple got to drink some sake to seal the deal, but we also got some to drink, which symbolizes the unification of two families. (I don’t know why I just remembered a scene in Godfather…)

Although I was very busy trying not to break too many rules at once, especially after the embarrassing incident of me taking pics when I shouldn’t have, I still had time to appreciate this wonderful ancient ritual accompanied by the Japanese flute and koto music, and they’ve even got a bit of Shinto chanting and dancing going. You know how much I adore musicals!

But seriously, I was so moved at the end that I even found myself praying with the priest and wishing the newly-weds sail to their new lives together happily and safely, always hand in hand, in the sun but especially in the storm.

No wonder people cry at weddings! Many did yesterday at the banquet after the ceremony, including the groom and the parents when the couple was making the thank-you speeches to their parents. First I couldn't decide if I should join in and cry, and then I lost my chance altogether when they thanked us for coming.

Being a foodie, the food at the banquet in Meiji Kinenkan was definitely something to remember too, but the wedding cake was just gorgeous and get this, it was designed by the groom, not the bride! 

(to be continued)

Nov 12, 2011

It Ain’t What You Do (It’s The Way You Do It)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyp1tyQ5s1A

I was such a nerd growing up, and perhaps still am.

At school, I am afraid I was rather a challenge for my teachers. Exams were just a game to me, so instead I borrowed many books from the library and read them in the class, which obviously didn’t make my teachers very happy. But finally they relented, I was allowed to read anything I liked in the class, as long as I submitted a weekly report on the books I had finished that week.

And at home I was not allowed to help with housework because my parents wanted me to study or practice the piano. They were hoping I would become a doctor or a concert pianist one day. But of course I had completely different ideas.

At first I wanted to be a lawyer because I was always talkative, then a journalist because I asked many questions, next a librarian because I loved books and fortunately I also learned to listen.

Then I wanted to be an orchestra conductor because then I could be bossy without any excuses, and finally an accountant because I happened to find myself good at numbers, I mean, compared with my American classmates...

So now I teach. And I love it. I can talk about anything that takes my fancy, ask students all kinds of questions and they have to answer, be as bossy as I choose to be, grade their papers and exams with only prime numbers if I am in the mood, and still read any books I like!

I've finally found the perfect job for myself.

Nov 11, 2011

It’s My Party

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gceGGSSxDqo

I am no party animal, but I love giving parties, which I believe has something to do with my genetic yearning of feeding people. Or perhaps it's because I can't eat much, so I have to content myself with vicarious eating.

2 weeks ago I had a potluck, about 25 people turned up and we had a blast. After a mini-concert, a tango dance, and lots of beer, wine, sake, and cocktail, everybody left to catch the last train home. When I was cleaning up the mess, I felt grateful and rich. I am grateful that I have so many friends who have enriched my life.

That night I met many wonderful new friends, including a refreshingly bubbly girl from Singapore who was the life and soul of the party. And many of my old friends came so that we could finally catch up again. Even those who couldn’t make it also replied to my invitation and we made sure we were all still alive.

And the best part of the evening is when I saw people exchanging contact info, because then I knew they had found some connection, which may or may not flourish into anything, but at least it’s a start. And in a big city like Tokyo, we can lose ourselves so easily. We all need friends.

That's why I am especially grateful to my guardian angels, the few friends I know I can always count on. And they also know I will always be there for them whenever they need me.

Last night I invited some of them over and I cooked. Well I cooked too much as usual. But oh they loved the food, so now I am really glad I don’t have to eat the same leftover every day this week. And we talked, drank, and then talked and drank some more, until one of them fell asleep on the sofa…

The best way to enjoy life is to have a few good friends around and party till dawn!

Nov 10, 2011

Do Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZieygZyvw4A

I hesitate to admit this, but I think I am probably qualified as an expert of sexual harassment.

Well, I have sued a company for that once, although we settled before actually going to court. In the end I sort of won, in terms of money. But I lost all my ambition climbing the corporate ladder. I bet there are not many CPAs sitting at home writing now.

To be honest, I hate confrontations. Seriously, I don’t bite, I only write! But what else can a girl do after being fired for refusing to have a nightcap with her boss in his hotel room? Sorry, I am not one of his Asian sex dolls.

And I am sure even now he still thinks it was all my fault, with my long raven hair, big brown eyes, etc etc… You see, I should have cut my hair short, dyed it platinum blond, and worn thick glasses. (OMG, did I just start another fantasy here?)

When I first came to Japan, I worked for a Swiss company which had the typical organization structure of the foreign companies in Japan, with the top management all from the homeland and the rest of the employees all Japanese. And I was shocked at how primitive and politically incorrect the working environment was for the women there.

Once I ran into 4 or 5 middle-aged male coworkers in the corridor, and heard one of them saying loudly to the others, “Hey she is quite a looker, isn’t she?” I guess I was not really there in his eyes.

It had never occurred to them that a girl might have more degrees than any of them, and possess a much higher IQ than all of them can put together, even if she did somehow resemble a doll.

Although my fellow Japanese female colleagues didn’t seem to mind, I was simply amazed. And I know many other foreign women also have similar experience here. No wonder we have all developed pretty thick skin over the years.

Many Japanese women work till they get married or have a baby. And even those who stay usually have clerical work (i.e., fetch coffee and look cute), not professional or managerial. The workplace is still a boys’ club here basically.

One of my friends working for a big Japanese bank told me they are now trying to increase the diversity by hiring more women. And in the future, they will hire more foreigners and handicapped people! :)

Things are certainly changing, but I can already see lots of conflicts coming at the same time that will be unavoidable. More and more women will not tolerate what I had to put up with. Hmmm, it will be fun to watch.

But now I will just sit here and smile at my doorknob hanger hidden behind my office door and only I can see. It says,“ Sexual harassment will not be reported, but it will be graded.”