Objection

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N7laeCd-aM&feature=related

I know some women don't mind, but I’ve had enough of husband sharing, mine or others’, even though I think I am quite generous.

Unknowingly I shared my husband with many other women before, and I tell you, it is not really my idea of fun. So I imagine other women would hate to share theirs too.

Even if the men are separated or in the process of divorce, they are simply not ready for any serious commitments. They are in no position to offer anyone the emotional security we usually expect from a stable relationship.

Many men resist the idea of divorce due to the fear of losing the children or the house, and they put off the divorce indefinitely because they don't feel the need to, they believe they will never marry again. So why bother?

And even if they are in the process of divorce, it’s still unfair to spread their anxiety and stress to anyone else, especially the person they think they are now in love with.

But with or without the intent to divorce, all of them are not ready both legally and emotionally. It doesn’t matter how many years they have been considering themselves divorced already. They are just NOT free to date again, even if they think they are.

Believe me, I've been there too. It's completely different. I was overwhelmed with the freedom I felt when I actually had my divorces finalized.

"Divorced" is not what you believe or how you feel, it’s a piece of legal paper. And it doesn't just happen even if you have successfully convinced yourself.

Love Me Tender

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gzC29VwE1A

How do you decide if you would allow yourself to fall in love again? We all carry such huge emotional baggage. Sometimes I wonder how on earth we all seem to be still functioning in our daily lives. (And look, the more eagerly you try to deny having any emotional baggage, the bigger it is.)

But yes, I would love to love again, despite all the heartbreaks and tears I had. You might think I am either inspiringly brave or exceptionally stupid, but I don’t care. I believe we are all born to learn to love and be loved.

And I will listen to my instinct this time. I will not simply follow my heart and fall in love again only because I so want to.

I will not choose a guy who loves me for my high-heels or my degrees. The men in love with my looks will eventually find a younger model and move on, and the men in love with my degrees will need to work on their self-esteem.

I don’t want to be loved for my personality either, because I am not that nice anyway and besides, it’s become an insult when we describe anyone as “nice.” I don’t need to be loved for my mind either, even if it can seem to be sound sometimes. I need the occasional freedom to be the crazy one in the relationship.

And please don’t love me because of my heart, even though it’s probably still in the right place and have this stubborn tendency to ignore people’s imperfections. I will not take on another charity case again (I shall go to an animal shelter instead when things get desperate.)

I want a man who loves me for my soul, who allows me to fly but also completes me, who makes me feel passion in his embrace and find home in his eyes.

And together we will set each other free, free from all the sorrow, regret, hurt, horror and anger in our past. And we can feel again then, without fear or doubt, like 2 newborns.

Eyes Like Yours

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBzA7gf8F6E

The first thing I see in a guy is his eyes. All right, I lied. It’s the second thing, after I check his build.

You can see a lot in people’s eyes, soul and all. But the most beautiful eyes are babies', because there is no anger, sadness, greed, or any emotional crap there, yet.

That’s why staring deeply into someone’s eyes can be a really scary trip. You might find something extremely unsavory or sometimes, very rarely in fact, something unexpectedly pure and clear.

It can be quite daunting too because you could stumble upon a kindred spirit, strike a chord and suddenly both of you burst into tears, which happened to me once or twice before. They could be your soul mates, even if not life partners.

The safest way is to look but not really look, if you know what I mean. In other words, just switch your eyes off.

But if you are brave enough to make a real connection, keep looking and one day you will probably find something so beautiful that you won’t be able to take your eyes off ever again. One thing though, you might need a pair of penetrating eyes sometimes, because clever people guard their heart and soul, and eyes!

Although I am certainly not clever and I’ve got nothing to guard, I usually try to be extra careful because I have been accused of possessing this absurd “eye power” quite a few times before. And I would hate to make people cry every time I look at them.  So before I go out, I always remember to turn my eyes off, along with all the lights at home.

Love Me Like A Man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXVoOgwiYc8

I am sure you’ve heard of the term “passive aggressive”. But I bet not many of us have actually looked it up, until the day we suspect we ought to.

According to what I’ve learned on-line and what I personally experienced, passive aggressive behavior is a form of emotional abuse. It’s so subtle that most of us are not even aware of it. People with this problem are masters of disguising their emotional abuse with other actions that appear to be loving and caring.

They are unable to voice their anger, so they repress it but then stick it to you underhandedly by:

(1)       Ambiguity: they don’t say what they mean, or mean what they say. It’s their way to make you feel insecure and also to mask their own insecurities.

(2)        Forgetting: they forget your birthday or anything important to you, as a means of punishment.

(3)        Blaming: they have no faults. It’s always your faults because they are unable to look internally and examine their shortcomings.

(4)        Being difficult and stubborn: it’s extremely important to them that you never get your way. They resent your demand and will make sure you don’t get what you want. They punish you by withholding favor. And they never follow through on agreements and promises.

(5)        Being late: they believe deadlines are for others, but not for them. They do things at their own pace and don’t give a damn about what others think. They are chronically late for everything, work, dates, etc, in order to exert control. They often have issue with authorities.

(6)        Victimization: they feel they are always misunderstood, unappreciated and treated unfairly. They wear their past misfortune like a badge and demand sympathy.

(7)        Fear of Dependency: they resent the fact that they need you, so they try to control you.

(8)        Objectifying: they see you as an object, instead of a person with needs and feelings. They care for you like their favorite hi-fi speakers.

The sad thing is, they truly want to connect with you emotionally, but they cannot form any serious long-term relationships due to their fear of emotional attachment. Their only hope is to find someone either very stupid or with low self-esteem, or preferably both.

As for me, I would rather being shouted at by my upset partner, than being manipulated into believing everything is my fault by a coward with lots of anger buried inside.

She Is Funny That Way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKkaC8fO0hQ

Please contact me if you often find little kids making eyes or faces at you in the train or cafe. Seriously, I would like to find out what we have in common, sort of a social study. I really want to know how kids single us out. Do they instinctively know we are kids inside too? How do they find our darkest secret?

Honestly, I swear I never give them any encouragement. Living in a big city has all taught us to avoid any eye contact with strangers and stay invisible. But it happened again yesterday. I was sitting in the train minding my own business when I suddenly noticed a little boy with this huge cheeky smile playing peek-a-boo with me in his baby stroller.

Of course I had to smile back, although I really had to restrain myself from playing peek-a-boo back. So we just kept grinning at each other the whole time while sharing the train ride. Oh we had a lot of fun, as much as allowed in a crowded Yamanote train anyway.

But how did he know I would be game? How? And this kind of thing happens to me about once or twice a month.

For those of you who have never met me, I can assure you that I appear 100% human-like. I don’t go out wearing a big red nose either. Only sometimes at home really.

And trust me, I am not saying this to convince anyone of anything. Being regarded as a willing toy by kids (or men for that matter) is nothing to be proud of, as far as I am concerned. I am just genuinely bewildered.

So again please contact me if you have the same problem, and perhaps together we can find a way to help each other. Let's try harder to look normal.

You Keep Me Hanging On

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNyRU0fKHAY

According to Urban Dictionary, a cocktease is a girl who is flirtatious, although pretending it is only innocent behavior. She gets men to spend a lot of money for the prospect of sex, and when they are turned on and make the first move, she abruptly turns them down.

I confess I’ve been called that several times before, but I don’t feel the need to defend myself. It’s just funny that some men could be so single-minded.

Now imagine this:

Nancy: Wow this guy is so hot. His jeans are real tight. Uhhhh look at those muscles! And guess what, I just bought him a drink, and he kissed me! He even let me rub his shoulders!! I think I am going to faint!!!

Becky: He totally wants you, girl. Oh look, he is smiling at you now. Go for it!

Nancy: Hello again handsome, wanna go back to my place for coffee?

Tom: Ehhhh, sorry honey I can’t, my cat is sick.

Becky: I can’t believe he said no! Such a jerk! Leading you on all night like that and making you pay for his drink!

Nancy: Yah!

Granted, most guys will probably jump at the opportunity, but what if you just don’t feel like it that night? Are you going to have the “coffee” anyway just to defend your honor, or are you going to risk being called, what now??

Ain’t Too Proud To Beg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX5bszW1smc&feature=related

I love food, and have always admired and enjoyed the Japanese food culture. But one thing I simply don't understand is why they display cute pics of animals with big soft eyes in the restaurant.

The other day I happened to be at a food festival and smelled something wonderful. But when I approached the stall and found this life-size cutout photo of Bambi standing there with its beautiful innocent Bambi eyes, I suddenly lost all appetite.

But when I looked around, I saw many Japanese happily chewing at pieces of Bambi, while eyeing the Bambi pic up and down, probably thinking, 'Yup, it's definitely cute enough to eat!'

It reminded me of this TV commercial I saw long time ago with 2 people dressed in black cow costumes dancing and singing, “We are delicious, so very delicious!” And they kept begging, “Please eat me eat me eat me!”

Apparently there is another TV commercial of BBQ sauce recently with the mother cow and 2 calves merrily eating BBQ beef. Brilliant, isn’t it?

It obviously doesn’t bother Japanese at all, and I wonder why, until a student told me the story about Anpanman, a famous cartoon character with a red-bean past bun for a head. It seems this character goes around and invites kids to take a bite out of his head. Hmmmm, no wonder Japanese are used to things like eating Bambi.

The funny thing is, in the States, California Raisins’ TV commercials actually make some children cry and refuse to eat any raisins. It’s time we exported Anpanman to toughen them up, don't you think?