Holiday Blues

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQDHIN-Qjkk

The more sophisticated way to put it is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). That nice doctor on YouTube just convinced me it could be life-threatening.

I wonder how many people are sitting at home alone like me on the Christmas day. Not many, I hope. Most people would rather meet their friends and have a drink in the pub, even if they are not with their family.

But Christmas means nothing to me. First of all, I am not a Christian. And second, I am used to be alone at Christmas anyway. Being immune to Christmas also gives me the advantage and distance to observe other’s holiday blues.

I had another marriage proposal this morning, and dispensed my free advice to a friend who is lovesick and another friend who is sick of love. I refused the proposal as gently as I could, told the first friend to propose to his girlfriend immediately and the second one to break up with his as soon as possible and move on.

So after a phone call from Australia, some Facebook messaging with the first friend in the States, and a Skype chat with the second friend in Italy, I marveled at how the holiday affected people.

We all need love, but why especially in this season? I know they are all with their family now. Isn’t that enough? Or is it exactly because they are with their family?

When they watch their brothers smiling tenderly at their sister-in-laws, when they see their nieces and nephews running around giggling, or when they realize their aging parents are getting even grayer now and will be gone one day, do they then suddenly feel truly and utterly alone?

I suppose it’s too late to wish them Merry Christmas this year. So instead, I wish they could soon find that special someone to have every happy Christmas with, or I shall start charging them for my advice!

Shiny Happy People

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ0vDAbF7s&ob=av3e

It was a pleasant surprise last night that I managed to grab the last table at Faro Shiseido in Ginza. Now being the Christmas season in Tokyo, many people find it harder to get fed than to get laid.

The place is festively decorated with shinning happy people, including guests, waiters (hey did you see any waitresses there? I didn’t,) and French sommeliers.

I was given a discrete menu without any prices listed, so I decided to leave the ordering to the capable hands of my dinner companion. I couldn’t pronounce half of the stuff on the menu anyway. So there would have been no way for me to pretend to be pretentious, even if I had set my mind to.

After the wine was presented, admired, decanted, breathed, poured, tasted, and approved, I almost died from thirst, although I must say it was an excellent choice, and went right to my head through my empty stomach.

And then the dinner course started. The food kept coming, at one point I thought it would never stop. Everything was fantastic, salmon mousse, foie gras, grilled fish, steak fillet, pasta with black truffle sauce, oyster and spinach risotto, etc etc. Even my companion who has the pickiest tongue I know had to agree it was good, albeit reluctantly.

I successfully persuaded him to break the rule (that seems to be my role with anybody…) and share our food, which unfortunately earned us a lesson from one of the concerned sommeliers. But look, I really don’t mind making my taste buds totally confused, they are happy enough, thank you very much!

Although I love bread, I tried my best to stay away from many kinds of the delicious looking bread they offered. But even without the bread, I was stuffed. So I began to take pictures, which somehow helped my digestion.

When the dessert trolley came, miraculously my appetite returned. I treat deserts with reverence, I do. So no surprise it was the highlight of my evening. I probably had about 20 different kinds of sweets. Cake, tart, pie, cookie, candy, pudding, chocolate truffle, etc... you name it.

Of course it was a feast. But what made it wonderful was being with someone special. It was one of the best dinners I’ve ever had. Thank you, my friend.

Faro website: http://faro.shiseido.co.jp/restaurant/

Happy Birthday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztoSUhbNntQ&feature=related

What do people feel on their birthdays, I often wonder? We always wish people a happy birthday. Is it because we know they will be sad? And is it also why we give them presents? 'Hey, I understand it's your birthday, but look, here is something to cheer you up!'

I have never felt overjoyed on my birthday, as far as I can remember. On the contrary, I always get quite worried because now I have less time for all my ambitions. So I see no reasons to celebrate. even though I do enjoy the present part.

But I don’t feel depressed on my birthday either. I treat everyday like my birthday, working hard to spoil myself rotten. And over the years of practice, I excel at it.

Birthday cake is something else though. I love all sweets, so I can tolerate any birthday if there is a cake. But I can’t really say I believe in birthday wishes. I used to make only one wish: I wish all my wishes come true!

Having said that, I do have a wish for my birthday this year, and every year in fact. And this is not only for me, but also for you. I wish we all get to be with someone we love on our birthday. That's what makes birthday really special.

Flirting With Disaster

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhhtRxqSrys

Of course I know I could be frightfully outspoken sometimes. Even I am scared of myself. I can never predict what I will say next.

When I have an interview, I always make the poor interviewer nervous, although I am never quite sure which he finds more distracting, my sharp tongue or my shapely legs.

Once my lunch date asked me annoyingly, “Don’t you know I am well-respected in my business here?”  Hmmmm, let me think, well, no sir, I don’t, and I am not doing any business with you anyway.

I have met my fair share of alpha males, and they all demand to be treated with special care. But honestly, is it not enough to be the prime madonna in the office? Would they say to their partners, “Honey, make love to me with respect, and stop teasing me about my thinning hair. I am a very important businessman, you know?”

If by whatever chance, I happen to be standing right next to the Emperor at a party, I would probably make him either laugh out loud with mirth or scream for the guards in 3 minutes. And I never know which will be the case. So you see, I’ve got a very good reason to be fearful for my fearless tongue.

But believe me, I am actually making an effort to be good. So next time when you read one of my highly inappropriate remarks, politically incorrect jokes or religiously offensive comments, please remember I have officially announced my disclaimer here now.

Sorry, have I said something wrong now? I do apologize!

Alright, Okay, You Win

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTkpjdHC6SA

One thing Japanese don't do is confrontation. That's why you always hear them saying sorry. I am not joking, they even apologize for their thoughts. So having been here for years, naturally I am now also extremely reluctant to confront. Or maybe I am just getting lazy...


When I am not sure, I usually wait for more data to process. And even if I am 99% sure, I still tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. But I am not afraid of confrontation when it has to be done.

If we always avoid confrontation by saying sorry, things will appear ok in the short term, but there will never be any improvement in the relationship. The other day, a friend posted a comment on Facebook:

“Apologizing does not always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.”

Of course it’s a sound piece of advice. But I’ve heard this too many times before, "I am very sorry for hurting you." I used to fall for this at first, until one day I realized it actually implied, “But I am not sorry for what I did.”

You see, they say sorry although they believe they haven’t done anything wrong, and then they do it again until you finally either get used to it or give up the relationship. It’s classic manipulation.

I believe confrontation has nothing to do with proving the points or arguing who's right and who's wrong. Saying sorry seems to be a good idea to avoid an immediate fight while both parties are still hotheaded. But for the long term, it might be a better approach to be honest, open, and find the middle ground together.

Yesterday another friend also posted something on FB which I found inspiring. We talked about how men hunt and women fish, but he thinks it’s not the hunting or fishing which matters. It's all about cooking, in his opinion, because after the hunting and fishing, a couple has to learn how to cook together and that's what binds them. I think he is absolutely right.

And the first cooking lesson any couple has to learn is how to agree to disagree, because you can never find 2 people who think exactly the same way or like exactly the same things. Fights are not necessarily  bad. A good fight makes you feel closer to each other even without the makeup sex!

I Don’t Wanna Get Over You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVtY8ZEj7Zw

I have learned to block painful memories, like every sensible person should. So now we all carry this emotional volcano with us wherever we go. Psychiatrists encourage us to understand our history of misery and rationalize. But I think they should just teach us how to block, bury, and blank it all out. Eventually that part of our past will be forgotten.

It's like cancer, there’s nothing to analyze. Granted, we cannot have our volcano surgically removed, but at least we can kill the volcano and make it a dead one. Well, I've learned a few tricks over the years, especially in the department of heartbreaks:

-- Rule number 1, stop listening to songs like “I Don’t Wanna Get Over You.”

-- Cry as much as you like, but ignore you have a brain. Do not think. Just feel the pain.

-- Delete all her photos, and remove her from all your contact lists, Skype, Facebook, mobile phones, email accounts, whatever you’ve got, so that you don’t call/write to her “by mistake.”

-- Eliminate all the stuff associated with her. Throw away her shoes for God's sake!

-- Establish new routines in your life. Avoid all the restaurants, pubs, museums, and shops you used to go together, and find other interesting places. And if you live in a village, you can always stay home and begin your Internet dating career.

-- Transform yourself. Assume a new identity and be a different person, i.e., start a band and become a rock star.

-- Find someone to hang out with or play with but always remember it's only for the transition period. Don't get too involved immediately, because you are not ready, and there is no excuse to hurt anyone just because you are hurting inside.

-- Move countries, if all the above fails. Take myself for example, Japan is my 4th country.

See, it’s not that hard really. You can do it, too!

It’s OK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGe3GFWEO2I

I’ve been watching a lot of old movies lately, since I sprained my ankle about a month ago. So now finally everything about me is slightly twisted, I suppose. Anyway, the movie I just finished is “Pretty Woman,” a fairy tale about a prostitute who meets her prince.

I believe most girls have carefully watched this movie more than once, but do you remember what happens at the very end on the staircase? He goes, “So what happened after he climbed up the tower and rescued her?” And she replies, “She rescues him right back.” See, we are all deeply scarred now. Everyone needs to be rescued.

And do you remember the music? Well, it’s from the opera they watch earlier in the movie, La Traviata, another story about a prostitute who meets her prince but is forced to leave him because his dad doesn’t approve, which is of course quite different from the happy ending of the movie, in which his dad is conveniently dead already and can’t possibly be there to disapprove physically.

But why do we feel the need to marry someone who meets our parents’ and/or children’s approval? Aren’t we all grown up enough to decide for ourselves? Women have watched all the chick flicks to learn everything there is to know about love, and men have all watched enough porn to learn everything there is to know about sex. We are all well prepared. Do we really need any one’s approval?

Parents and children all leave us sooner or later. And friends are either already in a relationship or in the pursuit of one. Anyway I believe if they love us, they will be glad to see us happy, no matter whom we choose to love.

I have never chosen my partner to please anyone else but myself, because only I know what I really want and only I can feel how I feel.

Hmmm, I think I should skype my psychiatrist friend now.