Love Is In The Air

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNC0kIzM1Fo

Last Friday, the first warm and sunny day this year, there was definitely something in the air. Maybe it was love, or maybe it was just pollen.

After a bittersweet lunch date at my favorite French restaurant, I walked home still wrapped in my own thoughts when a Japanese man carrying a surfboard caught up with me.

He: (In Japanese) Excuse me, are you free now? Where are you going?

Me: (What? Is he talking to me now? Oh dear, he is. Fine, I’ll try my standard reply.) Sorry, I don’t speak Japanese.

He: (In fluent English, without any hesitation.) I speak English too. How’s that? (Followed by a cheeky grin.)

I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just gave him a sweet smile, shook my head apologetically, and kept on walking. Luckily he gave up then, unlike other more persistent ones.

But the freaking day didn’t stop there. Later that evening I was meeting a friend for another chat about our complicated love lives. When I was waiting for her at the station, a Japanese salaryman suddenly approached me and handed me a message saying in Japanese:

“My name is xxx. I just moved to Tokyo half a year ago for a new job. I would really like to have lunch or dinner with you. Please write to me at xxx@docomo.ne.jp or call me at 080-xxxx-xxxx.”

There is a first time for everything, but this one is just too creepy. Chatting up girls, or “nanpa” in Japanese, is not unusual. I am sure many girls have similar experiences of getting “nanpaed.” But getting a note like that from a stranger is simply weird. Why couldn’t he just say hello and introduce himself like a normal person? Does he have an especially fragile ego or something? :p

The funny thing is, many of my male friends seem to find my nanpa stories inspiring and some of them have even vowed to be more aggressive from now on. But personally I never go out with men who try to chat me up on the street or in the pub. They are just not my type. I know some of them are actually nice people even if what they see in a girl is usually her looks instead of her other qualities.

Anyway that day was certainly bizarre enough to make me start wondering if spring indeed makes people crazy, as Japanese always say.

You are Beautiful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oofSnsGkops&ob=av3e

Some men seem to feel compelled to add, "Oh but I am sure many men have told you that." -- after saying, "You are very beautiful.”

And I wonder why? Granted, it’s much better than saying, “You are very beautiful, I am sure I'm the only man to have told you that.” But would you even consider saying this to a proud new father, "You baby girl is adorable, but I'm sure many people have told you that!"

So why do men do it? Do they just want to sound suave and charming whilst also protecting themselves from the cliché? Or are they trying, in an undiplomatic way, to figure out how much competition they have? And does it really sound more complimentary to women? I don’t know, but personally I think it only shows the insecurity.

I know I am thinking too much as always. But the thing is, women often pay each other compliments too and we never add, “but I’m sure you’ve already heard that many times before.”

It’s not that I’m uptight about getting a compliment. But when a man uses it as a pick-up line, it often makes me turn defensive and feels the need to start explaining that beauty is only skin deep, and I've never considered myself beautiful, blah blah blah… But when someone, men or women, tells me simply and genuinely that I am beautiful, I can always feel that and I just smile back and say thanks.

Of course it’s always nice to receive compliments. But to be honest I don’t have the star complex. I don’t need to be beautiful to everyone. I’ve always only wanted to be beautiful to one man - the man I love. That’s more than enough for me.

But if we do it at all, please let’s keep it simple:

He: You are very beautiful.

She: Thank you.

See, that’s easy. You can do it too!

She’s Got The Look

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlVI7ZNiFlI

For many years I had my haircut in QB House, a local barber chain that provides a tolerably decent haircut in 10 minutes for the price of 10 bucks. But the best part is, they vacuum you when they are done with you so that you don’t walk around later covered in your own hair.

So I used to sit and wait for my turn there among Japanese salarymen, usually middle-aged with a pronounced beer belly. My existence definitely gave them some comfort, if not amusement.

Sadly after I changed my hairstyle about 2 years ago, I had to find a proper hairdresser. Now I go to the salon downstairs in my condo building. I am too lazy to venture far. Besides, I don't see why I should waste too much time on my appearance.

It's a big challenge for a foreign girl to live in Japan, I tell you. You are surrounded by all the gorgeous Japanese girls who are groomed within an inch of their lives. It's impossible to compete with their dedication to beauty and perfection. So I am now trying to focus on my inner beauty while secretly hoping that I might finally outshine them with my personality and charm one day.

Nobody really believes me, but seriously, I've never paid much attention to my appearance. In fact, the first time I put on any makeup was for my first job interview when I was 25, thanks to the help from the nice salesgirl at the Clinique counter of Bloomingdale's in Chicago. And I only learned how to use mascara a year ago - from one of my students this time.

And I never seem to remember to check myself in the mirror before I go out. Luckily Japanese are very polite and can always keep a straight face even if you wear your sweater inside out, which has happened to me more than once before.

Hmmmm, now you know why I am always surprised when people compliment me on my appearance!

Baby It’s Cold Outside

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4klyIX4RIWA

I can't believe this just happened:

He: Can't I just go to your place?

Me: No, I don't think it's a good idea. Let's meet at a restaurant.

He: Frankly speaking, I am tired of restaurants.

Me: You mean, you are tired of taking all those girls to expensive restaurants and yet seldom getting laid.

He: Oh, that's just one reason. I always eat too much at a restaurant.

Me: You know, you don't have to order too much, then you won't eat too much.

He: But I just want to talk to you.

Me: What makes you think we can't talk in the restaurant?

He: OK then. see you next time.

Me: Sure.

I can’t wait to hear his reasons of what’s wrong with museums, cafes, concerts, etc. People can be so transparent sometimes. Here are the top 10 excuses men have come up with to get invited into my place:

      1. I’ve missed my last train. You live near here. Can I stay with you tonight? – Well I happen to know they often miss their last trains, stay out and drink till dawn.

2    2. Can you play the cello for me? I love the sound of cello! – Sure, call me later and I will play for you over the phone.

3    3. I am very curious about your library. I have many books too. Can I see yours? – Ehhh, what do you want to see again?

4    4. You bake bread too? I am very good at it. Do you need help? – Yeah right, I’ve been baking for years now. But hey, I will remember to invite you when I have the next bread-baking party.
      5. It's cold and wet outside today. You don’t want to go out. Let me just go to your place. – This is clever. They know how much I hate cold weather.
      6. I  hate smoke. But you know it’s impossible to find a non-smoking place in Tokyo. – True. And I hate smoke with a passion myself. But I hate to be sexually harassed even more.

7    7.  Can we just stay in your place and have a quiet night? – They know me too well. I like to stay home at night.

8    8. Oh I just found this awesome ice cream shop near my place in Yokohama. Let me bring you some. – This is just too low. Ice cream is my weakness.

9    9. I’ve got some music I compiled for you / your photos from our last photo shoot. I’ll drop them at your place later. – Hmmm, I can’t wait to hear the music /see the photos. Let’s meet at a café and I’ll bring my MacBook.

     10. I give a great massage. You look tense. Shall I give you the best back rub you’ll ever have? – This is a plain insult to my intelligence.

Surprise me, please. Who knows? You might actually get an invitation if you are creative enough!

One Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdB-8eLEW8g

This is based on a recent Skype conversation between me and one of my ex-fiancés:

He: Why can't you just accept 99% of me? Nobody is perfect. 1% of me will make mistakes sometimes. Flings and one-night stands are only temporary. But you will always be my partner.


Me: You mean, you will have sex with other women 3.65 days a year and you expect me to accept that?


He: Yes. But you are free to have affairs too, as long as you tell me everything afterwards. 


Me: I, I...


He: I want to share your experiences and make them ours. I accept them because they are part of you. 
And I will tell you mine too.

Me: Well thanks. But does that mean I will need to force myself to have new adventures so that I have something to share with you when you share yours with me?


He: I don't understand. Why do you have to force yourself?


Me: So that I don't get emotionally dependent on you, so that you will never have all of me. 


He: But that's OK. I don't need all of you. You can have lovers.


Me: But what if I get emotionally attached to one of them and decide to leave you?


He: That's the risk we both have to take. We have to keep reminding ourselves that affairs are just affairs. The relationship between you and me is the only real thing.

Me: I want real love, not real arrangements.

He: But this is a kind of love too. The realistic kind.

Me: For me, if there is no trust, there is no love.

He: Of course we have to trust each other to keep our affairs temporary.

Me: So when we go out dining and you smile at the pretty young girl sitting at the next table, how would I know if she is your current, past, or future affair?

He: I will tell you. We share everything, remember?

Me: We have completely different expectations of a partnership. I am sorry. I don’t think this will work.

He: It will work, if we have the mutual understanding.

Me: Marriage is for the people who believe in monogamy. You obviously don’t. Why did you even propose to me?

He: We are perfect for each other in many ways. You just have to change your way of thinking a little.

Me: We disagree on the most fundamental level. How can we be perfect for each other? I am sorry. I hope you find someone who also believes in open marriages one day.

He: I am very sorry too. I hope you change your mind one day.