419. There Must Be A Better World Somewhere

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXJP1xp5FH8

I am not saying my theory is correct. Hey, one of my hobbies is making mistakes! I guess what I'm trying to give you here is just an alternative way of thinking.

I believe the secret to survive in this modern jungle is to appreciate what we have now, instead of finding faults on everyone, or contemplating what we have lost or how we came to lose all the good stuff we valued before.

Now, if you have the superman complex, well then, try to get to the top when you obtain the power of superman and the authority to change the system. But before you reach the top, never, ever tell your boss how to do his job, especially in a meeting and in front of everyone else!

To criticize anybody openly is the quickest way to earn yourself a sworn enemy who will then make sure you never get anything you want, and to alienate any friends you think you have, because you will be labeled the rebel of the system, and considered too dangerous to stay close to. The best you can get is some sympathetic looks from your soon to be ex-coworkers.

But whatever you choose as a weapon in any fight at work or even at home, never resort to PMS, unless you don’t mind being regarded as a Chauvinist pig!

The art of apologizing is something we’ve lost a long time ago. Most people now apologize with an excuse or a clause by saying “I’m sorry, but…” Look, if there is any “but,” that means you are not really sorry.

Very rarely I hear someone simply says, “Sorry, it was my mistake, I will try not to make the same mistake again.” And when the excuse never comes, it always takes me by surprise and makes me reflect on myself and see my own mistakes.

One thing I have learned over the years is, there are no real friends in the office. To be honest, office politics is something to fear only for those who are actually good at their jobs, because they are also clever enough to know they are being abused. Nobody is afraid of the stupid ones so they are usually safe. But only the truly clever ones know how to work smart but look stupid, while lying low and out of anybody's way, in short, to be the "team player!"

If a man is not happy with his career, and relies on his partner to make him happy, it will never work in the long term. It’s a huge burden on his partner to listen to his endless complaints and act as his personal clown every day. And no matter how hard she tries, he will never be really happy. Plus it’s plainly unfair.

The Asian philosophy on this is to behave like bamboos, which bend themselves when the wind is too strong. That’s why they never break. In fact, that’s also a very female way of thinking.

Women tend to avoid confrontations. But it doesn’t mean we will tolerate the situation forever. We will make certain you know how we feel, gently and subtly, but if you still can’t change, we will finally pack up and leave. We are not bamboos after all.

418. Thing Ain’t What They Used To Be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ACD80FRXU

Almost all my friends are males in their 30’s and 40’s. Most of them constantly complain about one thing or another, mainly their jobs and Japan, but sometimes the changing values and the loss of compassion and integrity in people, when they are not afraid to sound like my grandpa.

Lecturing on it for hours to anyone who is unfortunate enough to be around will not help, but acting upon it and trying to fight the system and everyone in it single-handedly will not help either.

One option is to start your own blog and continue your monologue there, while imagining people reading it with a great interest, oh yeah, exactly like what I am doing now. It’s therapeutic, trust me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am fully aware of the emotional responsibility we have for our partners and friends, and I can assure you that I am an excellent listener. I have the patience to just listen, and the ability to understand people. And that’s how I often end up listening to people’s problems, in all detail, for hours on end.

But anyway, if you absolutely hate the idea of blogging, another option would be to go freelance, provided that you had the necessary professional skill. And if that fails, you can always go and live in a farm where you can deliver your preach to the sheep or horses whenever you feel like it. They will certainly thrive on your devotion and attention.

I’m an idealist and a dreamer myself, although I’ve also noticed that things are changing, and not necessarily for the better. But I’ve learned when to shut up and when to step back.

Sometimes the only way to win the war is learn to lose first. And let’s face it, it’s impossible to win every battle. You only have to win the important ones.

There are both good and bad things around us, it doesn’t matter it’s now or “the good old days,” and it doesn’t matter it’s Japan or the States. The real challenge is to adapt to whatever environment you happen to be thrown into, without losing yourself, and stay true to yourself.

Or we can just blame everything either on our unhappy childhood, or better yet, on Hollywood!

417. Get My Party On

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUonuPfLz7E

Before James left, he informed me that he intended to find a bride back in Switzerland as soon as possible and start breeding.  I wished him good luck, which is exactly what he needs.

I can just see 10 years down the road, he will have to pay a huge amount of alimony and child support, for the wife he has never truly loved and the children he hardly has time to see.

Many men want children almost as badly as women. And they want their OWN children, which is a bit egoistic, I think.

Don’t get me wrong, I love children. I’m a magnet with kids everywhere I go (not only with men, mind you). Somehow they just know I will play with them (not applicable to men, hopefully!) But the thing is, I’ve never been very maternal. I don’t think it’s fair to bring another life to this world, while I have lost faith in it myself long ago.

Of course I understand it’s probably the most beautiful experience anyone could possibly have. But I always think one day if I suddenly have the compelling urge to breed, I might just adopt a child. There are too many orphans out there already!

Or, if I really fall in love one day, head over heels with a man who makes me lose any reasoning power I've ever possessed, and I start dreaming about having his baby. Well, maybe then...

James’ approach on breeding is rather courageous, which reminds me of the ancient wisdom of arranged marriages.

I am sure after you learn to compromise, you will finally feel content, but will you be happy though? Love comes in many different forms, you can argue it is love after all, when 2 strangers learn to care for each other deeply enough to tolerate each other’s existence day in and day out.

And when they have children, well yes, they might become actually happy then, from watching their children growing up, but NOT from actively ignoring each other with secret resentment.

Arranged marriages worked before only because people didn’t have too many options. So after the children went to college, they stayed together and tried to find peace, separately.

But nowadays things are very different. After the children leave home, it’s time to say good-bye to their empty nest and divide whatever they have, like all the modern marriages now. In fact, most can’t even wait till all the children go to college!

So why don’t we just forget about the 0.7 child, the 30% paid mortgage and the 99% chance of divorce, and get the party on! 

416. Another One Bites The Dust

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE

James left Japan last month, after having been here for 15 years. Everyone is abandoning this sinking ship. It really sucks!

Me and James met 13 years ago. I answered his ad in Metropolis, well, Tokyo Classified it was called back then. He is a trader from Switzerland, too intelligent to love anyone else but himself. Oh no, nobody can fool James.

He spent most of his time in Tokyo playing around. He has a very long list of conquests, including several married women. I think he should write a blog one day and share his colorful stories.

Well you see, it’s just too easy for him. He is tall, handsome, blond hair and green eyes. He doesn’t smoke or drink. He can’t dance, but he cycles diligently. A typical gym junkie and health freak.

James had a Japanese girlfriend for 5 years. They met when she was 35 years old and the poor girl waited for him patiently. I have no doubt she loved him with all her heart.

But finally she was fed up of waiting, so she found herself another man, an older Japanese gentleman, and soon got engaged to him last winter. That somehow inspired James to propose too and consequently won her back. But only 1 month after that, they broke up again. This time she quickly married the Japanese gentleman, and James turned into a stalker.

I was so mad at James when he told me the whole story at the French restaurant in Grand Hyatt, one of his regular joints. I was rendered speechless at first, amazed at how selfish a man could be.

He doesn’t love her at all, never did and never will. He wants her now only because he finally realized how much he has lost. He believes she can make him happy, which is the only reason why he wants her back.

I asked him to leave her alone and give her a chance to be happy for once. She deserves it, after all the pain she had to go through with him. In fact, I shouted at him right there in the restaurant.

Later he confessed the only other person who had ever told him the same thing was his mum.

Such a baby!

415. Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq2KgzKETBw

Every man should listen to this song carefully, every word of it. It can save a lot of heartaches and headaches for all involved. Believe me.

This post is for all the men out there.

First, you’ve got to spend time with her, in order to really understand her. But at the same time, respect her space without playing games. If you don’t even want to make an effort to understand her, it probably means that you are only in for some fun. Well then, there are many result-oriented girls in the pubs or clubs, you will get along just fine. And if you are in for breeding, perhaps you can try to mail-order a bribe.

“To really love a woman, to understand her

You gotta know her deep inside

Hear every thought, see every dream

And give her wings when she wants to fly”

Second, ALL women need to be reassured about the future. Yes, women are all after security and forever. If she can’t imagine waking up every morning with the same man for the rest of her lives, if she has any doubts, or you need to be convinced and chased, she will simply gives up and moves on.

“When you love a woman

You tell her, that she's really wanted

When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one

'Cuz she needs somebody

To tell her that it's gonna last forever

'Cuz she needs somebody

To tell her that you'll always be together”

Third, intimacy is the key to attachment. She will give her heart to the man who can take her to fly together, not just you flying solo.

“To really love a woman, let her hold you

Till you know how she needs to be touched

You've gotta breathe her, really taste her

Till you can feel her in your blood”

Next, you will find yourself falling deeper and getting attached as well, which will make you vulnerable. But if you don’t give your heart too, she will soon feel that and leave you and your heart alone. You know she can make you happy, but can you make her happy too? You want her love, but can you love her too?

“Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms

You know you really love a woman”

Finally, after she gives you her heart, never, ever take her for granted. You have to treat her right and hold her tight, with your love, trust and respect. Then she will love you more than she loves herself.

“You've got to give her some faith, hold her tight

A little tenderness, you gotta treat her right

She will be there for you, taking good care of you

You really gotta love your woman”

Now tell me, have you ever really loved a woman?

414. Take It Off

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Oh4I5Yn7Bo

I had another very interesting weekend.

Saturday evening, Julie came over with an expensive bottle of red wine and some strawberries. I had chocolate truffles, ice cream, mixed nuts and cheese at home. So we had a quiet girls’ night and chilled out.

And Sunday night, I went to a nearby pub with Julie and Keith, to see another friend, Peter, who was leaving Japan. He and his band had a gig there that night.

I had to say good-bye. I felt bad because I think I might have hurt him, or rather his pride, when I refused to leave Japan with him last month. He was almost in tears, down on his knees…

It’s funny though, I didn’t tell him that I was going and I knew he would be surprised, but I thought he would be at least happy to see me, but instead, he was quite distance that night. Well, perhaps it had something to do with that women sitting right in front of him and taking pics of the band all night.

So in the end I was the one who was surprised. But I am glad he had moved on, very quickly. Aussies never waste their time!

Keith left early. I think he was a bit under the weather that night. But Julie and I really enjoyed the music. We were both drunk enough to be invincibly silly.

Later I introduced Julie to the rest of the band members and she immediately clicked with one of them. No surprise here though. Both of them are Americans, scientists and musicians.

I must admit that I really enjoy connecting people. I don’t believe in networking or socializing. Such disgusting words! But I believe in good friends.

So when 2 friends find each other through me, I can be immensely proud of myself!

413. Such A Night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hs0epThTlpw

I went to a pub last night with a friend who spent all night trying to come to my place, while checking his messages on iPhone and updating his status on Facebook. I guess he was just not very impressed with the band that night.

So basically I was left alone to fend for myself. Many men gave me the once-overs, and some brave ones approached me. One had a very cute pick-up line,

He:  “Do you speak English?”

Me: “Yes?”

He: “Talk to me.”

Me: “What would you like me to talk about?”

(A painful silence ensued)

He: “Are you here alone?”

Me: “Nop.” (Pointing at my useless friend)

He: “Oh sorry.” (He then backed away.)

Actually I have also tried to pretend I didn’t speak English before. But then they would either switch to broken Japanese or just start to speak English very, very slowly…

One of my friends later advised that I should act like I didn’t hear them at all, and ignore them completely. So shall I pretend to be deaf and blind then? Hmmm, perhaps a bit difficult, but I could always work on my acting. It would be fun!

Another friend suggested that I look at them straight on, eyes open wide, and give them the recipe for a really complicated meat pie, in Spanish.

Now that’ll do it, I am sure.

OK seriously now, this is what I usually do: I stay away from pubs!

Well but if I have absolutely nothing else to do and feel like some live music and second-hand smoke, I would find a good friend or 2 to go together, and vigorously avoid any eye contact with any men there.

I have also learned that I don’t really have to dress like a nun, since it doesn’t matter what I wear anyway.

Just to give you some idea, several months ago when I was in New Zealand on holiday, I got wolf-whistled at, wearing a long baggy sweater, leggings, and a pair of old sneakers.

When I told one of my Aussie friends about it, he urged me to dress like a sheep if I wanted more action in NZ. Hmmmm, that sweater I was wearing then is 100% wool. No wonder!

412. Good Girls Go Bad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix5z1bRz4Sc

I went clubbing again, just to show my support for Julie’s still budding DJ career. Oh well, I guess I’ve been clubbing heavily lately... 

The other day in a club, I heard a song called “Bad Girls Do It For Fun; Good Girls Do It For Love.” Hmmm, I am not sure if I am a good girl trying to be bad, or a bad girl trying to be good!

Julie and I met at an up-market bar first. She looked stunning in the black evening gown I picked for her on our last shopping spree. The dress was gorgeous, especially after she had it shorten by 10cm! I was wearing a simple black Chinese dress, honoring her request.

We sat outside on the terrace, looking down at the beautiful evening streets of Omotesando. While we were waiting for another friend, Keith, I had a glass of chocolate martini and was totally plastered, although Julie was not affected at all after her first Cosmo.

But later when Keith walked in, in his white shirt, black linen jacket, and blue jeans, Julie seemed a bit surprised, even though I had already introduced them to each other before. Well, Keith did look divine that night.

I guess those two really enjoyed the spectacle of me lying on the couch, covered with 2 blankets and struggling to keep both eyes open. Both of them kissed the top of my head, for some reason...

I half listened to them talking about music for about an hour, then Julie went to the club to get ready for her DJ gig. Keith persuaded me to grab a bite to eat at a Turkish restaurant nearby. So we went and he ordered more drink, only for himself of course, since I was still trying to get my poor brain to start working again. But after some more drinks, Keith started to complain about how I never took him seriously, etc etc...

When we finally made our way to the club, Ted was already there with Julie. And things got even more complicated. I knew he was not over me yet, but what could I say, except wishing him and his girlfriend good luck!

After Julie's DJ set, I took a cab home, leaving all three of them there. Well, I am just not the clubbing type! I love to stay home, I am happy in my tiny world, reading, listening to music, playing my music, watching movies, all the boring stuff. But it’s nice to have cool friends, so I can also be cool by association.

Later Julie told me after I left that night, Ted was very busy flirting with all the young Japanese girls in the club. And he seemed to be quite popular as well.

It’s so ironic though. Keith is tall, dark and handsome, but he is really not a playboy at all, even though he looks wild and dangerous. I know he can be very loud sometimes, although he thinks I am the one who needs to be the center of attention all the time. While Ted looks as sweet and gentle as a teddy bear, although he can flirt for Europe, has a girlfriend stashed away, and believes I am the one who plays games.

Barking dogs don’t bite, so I’ve heard.

411. Sleazy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN1nD_mftaI

Bill also found me from that website, a VIAB (Very Important American Businessman) who believed I was only playing games with him because I refused to discuss his high IQ and huge dick.

I don’t play games, because I don’t need too. I am confident and have nothing to hide, good or bad. I think games are only for those who with emotional insecurity issues.

Here is our actual Skype conversation:

Bill: Well, I am a guy. Don’t make me wait too long.

Me:  Well, I am a girl. I don’t do the chasing.

Bill:  If I chase can I catch you? You know the way to a woman’s heart is through her mind, but thievery to a man’s is much lower.

Me:  Now that was low!

Bill always asked me to be nice to him. Apparently he just wants a mother.

He lied about everything, including his name(s) – don’t ask me why, I just knew, but he demanded my complete honesty. He wanted my unconditional love, even though he can never love anyone else but himself.

Haven’t you started to see the pattern here?

We have never actually met. His parting shot is among the most colorful ones.

Dan wrote to me from Canada. He owns a small construction business there. I believe he is genuinely looking for a life partner. But I am really not into a long-distance relationship. And he is too busy to come to Tokyo to see me anyway.

Why should I go to see him, if he can’t even find time to come here first? I’ve met many men asking me to visit them, but funny enough, not many would come here to meet me. Of course they are busy, but guess what, I am very busy too!

I just know if a man really wants me, he will come and get me.

410. The Way She Shakes That Thang

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMknYkldYaM

Several days later, Julie invited me to one of her DJ friends' gig. I immediately accepted, even though I hate techno with a passion.

It was an incredible night. Julie and I seemed to understand each other effortlessly. I am sure we knew each other in our previous lives.

That night we partied till late. Very late, again.

The next day, I woke up feeling like a zombie. Even the song “I Am Too Sexy” failed to jump start my jelly-like brain, although it did somehow keep me upright, walking like a sexy zombie!

Soon after that, she took a day off and we went shopping together. It was a gorgeous day. First we had lunch at an Italian restaurant, sitting outside, eating our salad and talking non-stop.

Then we hit the shops. I used to live in that area before, and now she is living in the same neighborhood. Another coincidence, although we are kind of used to that by now.

We agreed to show each other our favorite shops, and surprise surprise, we like the same shops, too, what’s new there?

Later we even bought the same shirt in a shop. We just had to. It was too cute!

Also, both of us can’t resist chocolate or ice cream. When I introduced her to Godiva’s chocolate ice shake, she went crazy. So we had to order one each and then ate it on the street, even though it was getting dark, and we were both shivering from the cold wind!

After that, we came back to my place and had a fashion show. It was fabulous and wild!

I’ve never had so much fun with any man before.

We both treasure friendship more than anything else. And we know we have stumbled upon something extremely precious when we found each other.

I know we will be friends forever, no matter what happens.

409. La Bomba

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jY48iTyLrmk

Ted and I went out several times, before I finally realized he had no intention to leave his girlfriend at all.

Once we went clubbing in Roppongi, where one of his co-workers, Julie, had a DJ gig at a club that night. She is also a scientist and OMG, we went to the same university at the same time, but we didn’t meet each other then. And now, after so many years, we met here in Tokyo!!! What are the odds of that?

I really like her and her miniskirt. We instantly bonded. In fact, she greeted me with a hug and one single word, “Soulmate!”, even before we found out about our uni connection.

We agreed to meet again soon, and go shopping together!

I am so hungry for female company. All my other friends here are male, because there are not many western girls in Tokyo. And most guys are just after one thing with me anyway.

I also met Ted's 2 other colleagues, Nick from France and Alan from Australia.

Scientists are real nerds, although I am probably one myself. Nick had to introduce himself to me twice, and the 2nd time he did that, I offered him my hand to shake, but he took it to kiss, then kept holding to it and completely forgot to return it to me, until I politely asked to have it back, which made Alan almost laugh his head off. 

Ted apologized for Nick later and explained that scientists didn’t often get the chance to meet girls like me. What girls? Sex bombs?

The music Julie played that night was techno, which I happen to hate with a passion.

I have many musician friends, and I don’t think it’s just a coincidence. We sort of found each other naturally, although we sometimes have very different tastes. Some of my friends feel techno has no soul, and they simply can’t get it. But I hate techno precisely because I get it.

It’s just I don’t want to let go of myself and join the tribal dance, even though I would probably consider taking a bath in the public hot spring with all the naked strangers, if, and only if the water is reasonably clean. 


In my opinion, classical music is the purified form of human emotions; jazz the sexed-down version, and techno the carnal base.

Some people watch bullfights or kickboxing, some people dance to techno/house/trance. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I would always cheer for the bulls, if I were kidnapped to watch a fight one day, I mean.

408. You Never Can Tell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBheLOmtf3c&feature=fvwrel

Ted, a Swiss scientist, found me next at the website. At first I thought he was “the one.”

His emails to me were extremely short, although he obviously had read my profile carefully, and his comment on my pics was funny.

I didn’t really want to find anyone in Tokyo anymore, so I didn’t really mind his short emails. I soon agreed to meet him, just as friends, we said.

When we met for the first time, he quickly exhibited every sign of a man falling hopelessly in love. Every, single, sign.

But I also know he thinks I am out of his league. I can’t really blame him. Many men feel that way with me. And I am tired of explaining I am just an ordinary girl who wants to be understood first, and then, maybe loved, if he is the right man for me.

I don’t fall easily. But Ted’s smile is simply too disarming and contagious, plus, he is really clever and never says too much. For example, he forgot to mention he and his girlfriend were still together and he was trying to get her to move to Japan and all he ever wanted was to marry her the minute she said yes.

Even though I believe he did actually fall for me, head-over-heels hard, it was such a lucky escape for me. I was strong enough to pull back quickly. I thank all my previous experience with the other losers here in Tokyo, especially my ex-husband.

Ted told me he loved both me and his girlfriend, just like the way my ex-husband loved both me and his mistress, I suppose.

So I informed him that he didn’t love me or his girlfriend, because the only person he loved was himself. Of course he didn’t agree with me. For him, his girlfriend doesn't know anything about me, so it’s OK. On the other hand, I already know about her, so it’s OK too. See, everybody is happy. We are one big happy family.

He lost all my respect after that. I asked him to stay with his girlfriend and try to solve whatever problems they had, becauseI didn’t want to be the cause of their breakup. I don’t take what’s not mine. I don’t steal!

I consider his type the most dangerous, precisely for the reason that he doesn’t look dangerous at all. He can and will hurt people easily. I know he is now trying very hard to find his next victim, while waiting for his girlfriend to move to Tokyo and join him.

Of course I understand he is just looking for happiness. Trust me, me to! I want to be happy too! But I will never hurt other people intentionally, in my pursuit of happiness. That’s the true happiness for me.

What he is doing now is very ugly. But then again, I don’t know his girlfriend or his victims, and if he thinks it’s OK to use people like that. Fine by me.

But I refuse to be used.

407. Wild Thing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irc7ZntLEZw

Chris and I went clubbing the night before he went back to Singapore.

I took him to the single bar in Roppongi and there he told me some women were truly sexy because they were naturally so, and I thanked him. He also told me that for him, the most important quality in beauty is smile, and then eyes. So I thanked him again. Next he explained the different degrees of head turns when men see pretty women. According to his theory, I scored more than 90 degrees. So I thanked him again.

We chatted away happily, until later we found out, to both our horror, that the friend he was staying with was Tim, who I dated long time ago…Talking about small world!

After the bar, we were ready to dance. We went to my favorite club first. But it was so crowded. The people outside were trying to get in, while the people inside trying to get out, a bit like marriages, I suppose.

So we went to another club, and saw some well-dressed, respectable-looking people there. Somehow we were not particularly thrilled with the idea of displaying ourselves alongside with them. So we decided to go to another club, which had good music and great ambiance, but unfortunately I had a fight with a waiter named Malcolm there.

I was sitting alone, watching Chris dancing, when Malcolm the waiter came and asked me to move to a 2-people table, since the table we had was for 4 people.

Looking around at the almost empty place, I told him that earlier we were sitting at that 2-people table, but the next table were smoking, so I asked one of their waitresses and got her permission to change tables.

He replied, "I don’t care what that waitress said. You heard me, I said no!", then he just picked up our drinks and moved them to that table.

I was so drunk then, so I let him move our drinks, and waited to see if he would proceed to move me as well. He didn’t, but I suspect he was contemplating just that.

After he left, I stood up, a bit unsteadily, went to the other table and retrieved our drinks.

When Chris came back from the dance floor, the waiter came again and asked us to move. Chris didn't know what happened earlier, so he agreed. But I just sat there, smiling up at them sweetly, shaking my head. So Chris stayed with me. And Malcolm the waiter finally left us alone.

But we left shortly after that, and I explained what happened to Chris, who then complained to the manager outside. The manager told us the waiter's name and apologized profusely.

You see, I can be very stubborn sometimes, especially when I know I am right.

406. Gypsy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCE-QdWd1qQ

I respect Chris. He is a rare gentleman, a dying species.

His first email to me goes,

“I am just your average recycled bachelor and part time gypsy. I split my time living in Phuket, Singapore and being on the road. So I have lots of flexibility in where I choose to live, I am healthy and very active and have many hobbies. Love to travel and learn more about other cultures.

Looking for somebody, a special lady with a good heart, nice smile and loves to travel, somebody who is active and loves to explore.

I have lived in Japan for 6 years many years ago and have a real love and warm feeling for Japan and Japanese women. So I am hoping to find somebody of the same spirit and soul.”

Chris is American, a retired international-school teacher. He has lived all over the world. Most of the men I have dated are global wanderers, but Chris is a true gypsy.

I finally met him one day when he visited Tokyo. We talked for 5 hours straight at a café. He doesn’t drink at all, but fortunately, he dances, and believe me, he knows how to move!

We agreed to go clubbing before he left.

I hate smoky places, and Japan is so backwards in many ways. Smoking is still allowed in most public places. That's why I don't go clubbing often, although I love dancing.

Chris is intelligent, intuitive and kind. The only thing is, he has seen too much, and has been burned too badly, so now he doesn’t believe anymore.

Besides, I can never understand the concept of living each day at a time. For me, if I can’t even picture a future with a man, I just know it goes nowhere.

405. These Boots Are Made For Walking

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbyAZQ45uww

Victor, an engineer working at a TV station in New Zealand, found me next. He came to Tokyo on holiday. He stayed with his ex-girlfriend who is now a mistress of a married Japanese man. So some nights Victor had to go and stay at a hotel.

We had lunch once, and I quickly realized he was just into some serious holiday fun. So I wished him a good time in Tokyo.

But we ran into each other later in Omotesando, when I was window-shopping, in my black suede high-heel boots, which are clearly made for many exciting purposes other than walking. And guess what, Victor was with 2 girls, and neither of them his ex. A man with options, apparently.

I also met John at that website. He is a well-known voice actor here.

John is from Canada, but has been here for a long long time. He usually dates models and actresses, but his last girlfriend is a surgeon.

He freaked me out. I am not joking. I don’t get scared easily, but he is such a creep.

He chased me for more than 2 months before I finally agreed to meet him. When we met, he was wearing a tight black tank-top, a pair of tight black jeans, and a thick gold chain around his neck.

I suppose some people never have problems showing how desperate they are.

Look, I know I can pull it off, easily, in a tight black tank-top and a tight black mini-skirt, but seriously, I will never consider a thick gold necklace!

And he is the only man I’ve ever met who paid his lunch with a Gold American Express card, while me paying my own lunch with cash.

Oh wait, I’m saving the best till last. He later confessed, after my rather persistent probing, that he is 64 years old!

404. Don’t Talk Just Kiss

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcfAywFYDms&NR=1

Steve, a French-Canadian photographer, found me next from the same website. He wants to move to Japan. Yeah, another photographer…

I still don’t get him, honestly, even though I sometimes thought I could read people effortlessly, perhaps just my way-too-vivid imagination then.

He often wrote me extremely long emails, telling me how he dreamed about me again, and then disappeared for weeks. And when he came back, he would tell me he was struck down by yet another rare illness or some unfathomable accident. Oh he certainly could talk.

I think most photographers have more female friends than male friends, because only women can tolerate them. My patience with them is gradually running thin, but don’t get me wrong, of course I am flattered that many photographers seem to find me attractive, even though they are always surrounded by top models.

But I often wonder if beauty is the only thing they are after in their lives. They pursue it, try to capture it with their lenses, and keep it fresh forever, as an image. I guess after some time, they simply can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore.

To be fair though, Steve often told me all he wanted was love. Well, what a coincidence, me too!

Last week, I happened to have a fascinating conversation with one of my Aussie friends over some beer. (BTW, I do drink beer sometimes!)

Me: What’s the meaning of life, you think? (With that question, obviously, you know I was tipsy already!)

Him: I always want to do something nobody has ever done before.

Me: Oh, doesn’t that mean you have to keep track on what the other people have done, so that you can actively avoid doing the same things again?

He failed to see the irony. And he wasn’t interested in what I thought about the subject matter either. He never asked.

For me, the meaning of life is to learn how to love and to be loved, and I don’t mean only the love between partners. It’s a learning process. And I am still learning.

403. It’s A Real Good Feeling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T09RTnc-Vk&feature=related

After I came back to Tokyo, I appreciate my freedom and independence even more now, although Tokyo is not the same anymore.

Many of my friends have left and many more are leaving. The good people, mostly. Of course many people are coming to Japan too, opportunists, mostly.

It’s depressing, really.

But I came back because Tokyo is the only place I feel home now. And I knew people were waiting for me to come back, although some were surprised that I did.

Harry is a photographer in New York. We started to exchange emails when I was visiting my family.

Yuk, I know. Another photographer. But somehow we hit it off right away. We connect perfectly at some levels, although obviously we have very different values. He only dates bankers, doctors, and professors. I hate bankers, try to avoid doctors, and find most professors boring.

Oh, but we used to talk for hours on Skype. He often entertained me with his colorful stories about celebrities. Like all other professional photographers, he travels around the world and shoots the rich and famous. I think for most of them, their world is built on money and fame, neither of which is particularly inspiring to me though.

Harry was great fun, but there was one thing that kept throwing me off. He was always saying, “When I go to Tokyo next month, if we hook up, I will go back again this summer.”

I suppose hooking-up is rather important to men.

Harry did come and we did meet, but no, we didn’t “hook-up,” although he did, finally, on his last night in Tokyo, with a Japanese girl who allegedly attacked him.

I still like him, but I just can’t imagine having a partner who is always busy hooking up. 

402. Boyfriend

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydPkyqs5y_w

Some people asked if I was a dog person or a cat person. I am not sure how to answer. You see, I like both dogs and cats. But I am often told I look like a cat, even though I think my personality is more like a dog’s, since I like people, and I am loyal. OK, I suppose I am a cat who behaves like a dog.

Simon has a dog. He is a landscape architect I met at the local dating website there. He took me to the same beach I visited just the day before with Bran, and we went to a Spanish restaurant. I forgot how yummy the food was back at home!

We got along very well, but he had to answer many phone calls from his aunt during our dinner…

Kelly also found me at this website. He is a mechanical engineer, down to earth, well-traveled, have a big heart, and almost perfect, except he was hoping I would agree to live with him, his 29-year-old son, and 26-year-old daughter all under the same roof, while he visits his ailing mother every other day.

We went to many places together and had a great time. I was seriously thinking about leaving Japan, so when he proposed, I almost accepted, almost.

Then I met Glynn, who owns a small business and seems quite successful. He has 2 teenage sons who live with his ex-wife. He liked to remind me, perhaps as much as himself, that he was very popular with women.

He also proposed, after carefully assessing the risk and return. But he never removed his profile from that website.

Actually Glynn and I didn’t spend much time together, because I only stayed home for 3 weeks, before I got fed up with the curfew imposed by my mum, 10pm, seriously.

Some of my friends still call me Cindy now, after Cinderella.

The men back home are lovely. Most of them are honest, direct, generous, caring and simple.

But please don’t make me explain again that Shanghai is not in Japan, I beg you!

401. Sail Away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfVJ11GXzXQ

On Phase 4, I basically decided to give up finding a man in Tokyo.

On my way home, when I was waiting in Singapore airport for transfer, after suffering the first 7 hours’ journey in the economy class, with screaming kids running around in the airplane, I posted this comment on FB:

Cattle class vs. jungle class: in the cattle class, you expect to hear the young ones bleating occasionally, but in the jungle class, you also get to see them galloping by... from Singapore Airport, waiting for my next exciting adventure into another jungle, well, who knows, I might finally meet my Tarzan!:)

Although Tarzan didn't turn up, I think I was anyway too exhausted from all the scare and worry.

When I saw my family waiting to pick me up in the airport, I hadn’t had much sleep during my 27-hour journey, not to mention all the sleepless nights back in Tokyo.

But I still couldn’t sleep. I was so excited to be home again. I ran to the nearest ice cream shop and wolfed down a super-size ice cream and immediately earned myself a super-size headache from brain freeze.

That night I woke up with a jolt in the middle of the night, frantically trying to remember where my evacuation bag was.

The next morning, I reached a new resolution and was determined to have a good time back home. A very good time, I mean.

So I became a member of the local on-line dating website, although in my profile, I was honest about my visitor status.

The first man I met is Bran, a PR manager in a college. He took me to the most famous dating spot in town and we had a walk at the beach, enjoying the breathtaking sunset sky.

He was sweet, but I somehow felt all his moves were pre-calculated, down to his constant winks.

Now let’s talk about winks. Please, somebody, please enlighten me, why are winks considered sexy????

And if you wink, while making clicking noise, what are you planning to attract? Your dog?

316. Rock n Roll All Night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Env5iMrBjws

It was a Friday when the earthquake happened, exactly 3 months ago. I knew many of my friends would have to walk 3-5 hours to get back home that day, because all the trains had stopped. So I offered my apartment to all my friends on Facebook to stay the night, because my place is right in the center of Tokyo.

One of them told me I was crazy to put my address on FB like that. But I don’t care, although nobody showed up at my doorstep that night, because most people were trapped somewhere, without any phone/internet connections.

There are many elderly people living in my building, so I went downstairs to see if I could do anything to help, but the building manager simply told me to stay home. He was busy checking on everyone.

That night, I had my passport under my pillow when I tried to sleep through the rock and roll of the aftershocks.

The next morning, the sky was so blue, the most beautiful innocent blue I had ever seen in Tokyo, which made it extra hard to believe what happened the day before. It was surreal.

It was also very warm, and the street was eerily quiet. People walking around seemed to be still in a daze.

Then we heard the news about the explosions in the nuclear power plant in Fukushima.

All the foreigners here started to plan their escapes. I was among the first to run, and the main reason was my family.

Of course the relentless aftershocks, the scheduled blackouts, and the empty supermarket shelves and gas station pumps all scared the hell out of me, but the last straw was the radiation and the contaminated food and water.

Nick, the surgeon in New York, offered to buy me the flight ticket and take me in. I know he did love me in his own way. But I also know he will never love me the way I want to be loved. I just can’t imagine a future with him.

So when my mum got me the last flight ticket leaving Tokyo the next day, and ordered me to go home, I did.

315. Don’t Worry, Be Happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

Then the earthquake happened. Yes, THAT earthquake.

I know many people will remember that afternoon forever now. It was a sunny and warm spring day. Everyone was waiting for the cherry blossoms, and planning for their hanami parties.

I had a day off, so I decided to take a bath and just relax at home. It was perfect, the radio was playing the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” and me sitting in the bath doing precisely that, with 2 rubber ducks and a floating candle.

Out of sudden, there was a tsunami in the bathtub. I quickly grabbed the candle when the ducks disappeared.

What do you do when there is a monster size earthquake and you are butt naked?

Japan is the best-prepared country for earthquakes. And the Japanese people live their every day lives, waiting for The Doomsday.

But still, when it happened, I was scared, although not scared enough to go running outside naked. I stayed in the bathtub, where I knew probably was the safest place in my apartment anyway.

When the shakes finally slowed down, I got dressed super fast and went to the study to check the news on the internet.

I knew that all the phone lines, and mobile phone connections would soon die, and I was worried about internet too. So I quickly skyped my family and told my mum I was OK. She was confused and asked me what happened, so I explained. She screamed and told me to get out of the building right away, and I just said, don’t be silly.

You see, people living in Japan know the only way to survive a big earthquake in the city is to stay indoors.

My study floor was covered with fallen bookshelves and scattered books by then. And the building was still rocking. I started worried about my friends. So I checked Facebook, and talked to some friends, all terrified, but otherwise OK.

After we made sure everyone seemed to be still in one piece, we started to calm down a bit, and even attempted some jokes, until later we heard about the tsunami in Fukushima.

Everyone went quiet.

Nobody said it out loud, but I know we all felt guilty that we had survived, but they didn’t.

314. Tie Me down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zefI1vmNoOA

I have always avoided doctors, when I am not sick, I mean. I run to my doctor the first thing whenever I feel the slightest bit of a sore throat.

My first boyfriend was a medical student and we were together for 3 years in the uni. I left him because he cheated on me, the story of my life, it seems. He is one of the most famous cosmetic surgeons in town now.

I honestly don’t know why so many girls go for doctors.  All I want is to love and be loved, and most doctors are just too busy and important for love.

Nick is an Indian-American surgeon from New York. He stalked me at that website for nearly a month, bombarded me with emails, chat requests and interests.

Finally I surrendered and chatted with him, and then as I had feared, he became obsessed with me.

He soon proposed to me over Skype.  Of course I know he was probably insane, but he was totally serious, he wanted to start a family with me immediately. And perhaps you are thinking, maybe he is just not that bright.

But I can assure you, he is extremely intelligent, and I don’t mind that. He can be the smart one, (yes, he had my permission), and I shall be the sexy one. But his arrogance screams his insecurity, and his desire to dominate me, both physically and psychologically, spells domestic violence.

I have always been attracted to the men who know exactly what they want and are not afraid to go and get it. And I do love a pair of strong hands, if you know what I mean.

But Nick was in love with me for the wrong reason. He didn’t even know me that well, even though he thought he did.

And he never asked how my day was, although he never hesitated to share his with me.

313. One Way Or Another

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-P9FjArlxs&feature=fvwrel

Michael found me next from the dating website. He is also an Aussie. He taught English in Japan before, and now lives in Australia, although he is planning to return to Japan this summer.

He doesn’t have any male friends, but he seems to have many female admirers on Facebook, loving every word he says.

He doesn’t have a bachelor’s degree but he has tried everything he can, persuading me to help him land a university teaching job here in Tokyo. He doesn’t have the money to rent a place here, so he suggested that we have a house swap, after he realized I was not interested in him at all.

Ehhhh, excuse me, I understand moving to Tokyo is his dream, but tell me again, please, why shall I move to a small city in the outback?

I have met quiet a few Aussies, and I must say I do admire their raw ambitions. And they always make sure they get what they want, one way or another.

Next I met an Italian programmer called Lou. He works in a bank here and flies to a village in west Japan to visit his children every 2 weeks. He hates his job, and lives for his kids. He wore a pair of bight yellow sneakers when we met one evening for a drink after work.

I still don’t know why he needs a woman in his life, and I am sure he doesn’t really know the answer either.

William also found me at that website. He is a programmer from Belgium, very sweet and polite. We enjoyed our Skype chats, but when we finally switched to video, I was surprised to find that he is deaf, although I didn’t mind at that time.

So later we met for coffee and cake. Well, I still think he is great, but I simply can’t communicate with him!

We had to write down everything, even when we were just discussing what to order, on his notebook:

Me: I like their café mocha here, it’s much better than Starbucks’.

He: Oh really?

Me: Yes, really.

And so on…

312. Vogue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuJQSAiODqI

Pat the professional photographer told me he usually had his photo shoots at love hotels, paid by the models, because love hotels provided best settings.

I don’t know many love hotels, and I hate their seedy image anyway. So I told him I would rather have the shoot at my place, but I also expressed my concern of letting a total stranger into my house.

He reassured me he was professional and all his models trusted him because he had his reputation to protect too. And he also explained about the contract we would have to sign first, regarding terms of release, and privacy matters. Basically he wouldn’t release any of my pics without my permission, but I also can’t publish them myself. And he promised he would give me a CD with all the pics on.

So finally I agreed.

The day we had the shoot, I was well prepared. I lined up all the dresses, accessories and shoes, and waited for him. He brought a suitcase full of equipment.

It took us 9 hours to finish the shoot. And of course he made his move on me. Believe me, it was damn hard to say no to an alpha male who considers himself better than GOD!

When I told him I don’t date photographers, he said, “Who is talking about dating!” -- the best parting shot I’ve ever had, which revealed everything about him.

He never gave me the CD he promised, but he did send me some of my pics which are technically amazing but aesthetically disturbing.

Disclaimer: I am not saying ALL photographers are like Pat here, but I want to warn all the girls to be careful, especially if someone suddenly approaches you on the street, wearing a huge camera and probably a thick gold chain around his neck, and asks to take pics of you because you are oh so kawai, Girls, just start running when he utters the word “professional photographer.”

311. Shut Up (And Sleep With Me)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4upn3M4jtQY

I don’t have many things to be proud of, at least not proud enough that I feel compelled to share here, except for my not owning any Channel, Prada or the likes.

Japanese people have this sad reputation of buying everything for the names. Perhaps they just don’t trust their own sense of fashion, and they feel safer to associate themselves with certain labels.

Let me tell you, some Coach handbags are so exclusive that all the girls here seem to have one. I wonder when they will finally learn it’s OK to stand out.

But whatever preference they have got, or haven’t got, I know the Chinese people have a completely different view. The only thing they want from Louis Vuitton is the symbol of social status.

Most of my friends are either confident enough or too poor to afford any social status anyway.

Having said that, I happen to know someone who has a Rotary Club ashtray on his coffee table, although he doesn’t smoke and he is not a member. Oh, and he is also wearing a fake Rolex.

Photographers are also into the fakes and plastic. It’s the basis of their professional world. They are a different species on their own.

The next man I met, although not from that dating website, is Pat, an Australian photographer.

I actually found him through Facebook, a friend’s friend. I saw this beautiful pic of a Japanese woman in Kimono and found out that Pat took the pic. I love photography myself. So I commented on his pic and told him it was a shame that he couldn’t take pics of me because he lived in Australia.

He replied immediately, saying he is actually living and working in Tokyo. So we agreed to have a photo shoot sometime.

About 2 weeks later, he invited me to his friends’ concert at a “live-house” where he was shooting for them. So I went and we talked about our photo shoot.

I told him I wanted pics which showed nothing but everything. He seemed to understand – my mistake to trust people too easily, again!

Sometimes I think Tokyo is too dangerous for me.