I met Alex next. He is a doctor at an American base in the dessert. A gentle soul, but broken.
Divorce happened to him 10 years ago, and he lost everything, including his will to find happiness again. That’s why he is now on self-exile, trying to befriend Buddha.
Of course he can fool around, but he chooses to be alone because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He knows he is not ready. He is a thinker who is afraid to dream, but I’m a thinker and still a dreamer. I also choose to be alone, because I believe I deserve the best. I am just waiting for him to find me.
I am well aware of my unfortunate image of the femme fatale. But you know what? I sit at home almost every night, alone, because I have learned I could feel even lonelier when I am with a wrong man, and most of my friends are not even in the same time zones as me.
Alex and I became friends. We wrote long emails to each other. He is one of the few men I actually respect. Oh and he is German too…
I consider myself very fortunate to have many good friends, who always watch over me, and give me advise. One of my friends recently told me I was insightful and judgmental, although I am not sure these two can co-exist.
And judgmental I am not. I might be opinionated, but I don’t judge. I simply observe people, without judgment, because I hate to be judged myself.
But some men, especially the successful and proud ones, just can’t handle rejection very well. They often turn nasty when I refuse to meet or love them. The most creative parting remark I've ever heard was “flat-chested with a figure like a boy.” I have no urge to prove him wrong though. :) But even when they are firing angry words at me, I usually tell them I hope they find happiness soon. But usually they are too busy having the last word, as they always have to.
And almost without fail, they judge me to be judgmental, simply because they don’t get the chance to be the one who says no.
If you know me at all, I appreciate weird people, because I’m weird myself in every sense.
And I am very proud to have many weird friends, although occasionally I do need to encourage them to behave normal! But I’ve never asked anyone to believe what I believe. In fact, I get really excited when someone has different opinions and can challenge the traditional ways of thinking.
Take cheating for example, some of my friends cheat, here being Tokyo – the sex Disneyland, and I have no problems with that, as long as I don’t know their partners. It’s their choice, and I respect that. I don't cheat, but if they feel it’s OK to cheat, fine by me. Although of course, when it comes to a partner for myself, I need him to believe what I believe. But friends are different.
It would be a terribly boring world if everyone is the same and predictable, don’t you think?
Having said that, if your life aim is to go against mainstream, and all you want is to be unique and cool, perhaps then you should choose to be faithful and loyal anyway, since the mainstream now is cheating!