419. There Must Be A Better World Somewhere

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXJP1xp5FH8

I am not saying my theory is correct. Hey, one of my hobbies is making mistakes! I guess what I'm trying to give you here is just an alternative way of thinking.

I believe the secret to survive in this modern jungle is to appreciate what we have now, instead of finding faults on everyone, or contemplating what we have lost or how we came to lose all the good stuff we valued before.

Now, if you have the superman complex, well then, try to get to the top when you obtain the power of superman and the authority to change the system. But before you reach the top, never, ever tell your boss how to do his job, especially in a meeting and in front of everyone else!

To criticize anybody openly is the quickest way to earn yourself a sworn enemy who will then make sure you never get anything you want, and to alienate any friends you think you have, because you will be labeled the rebel of the system, and considered too dangerous to stay close to. The best you can get is some sympathetic looks from your soon to be ex-coworkers.

But whatever you choose as a weapon in any fight at work or even at home, never resort to PMS, unless you don’t mind being regarded as a Chauvinist pig!

The art of apologizing is something we’ve lost a long time ago. Most people now apologize with an excuse or a clause by saying “I’m sorry, but…” Look, if there is any “but,” that means you are not really sorry.

Very rarely I hear someone simply says, “Sorry, it was my mistake, I will try not to make the same mistake again.” And when the excuse never comes, it always takes me by surprise and makes me reflect on myself and see my own mistakes.

One thing I have learned over the years is, there are no real friends in the office. To be honest, office politics is something to fear only for those who are actually good at their jobs, because they are also clever enough to know they are being abused. Nobody is afraid of the stupid ones so they are usually safe. But only the truly clever ones know how to work smart but look stupid, while lying low and out of anybody's way, in short, to be the "team player!"

If a man is not happy with his career, and relies on his partner to make him happy, it will never work in the long term. It’s a huge burden on his partner to listen to his endless complaints and act as his personal clown every day. And no matter how hard she tries, he will never be really happy. Plus it’s plainly unfair.

The Asian philosophy on this is to behave like bamboos, which bend themselves when the wind is too strong. That’s why they never break. In fact, that’s also a very female way of thinking.

Women tend to avoid confrontations. But it doesn’t mean we will tolerate the situation forever. We will make certain you know how we feel, gently and subtly, but if you still can’t change, we will finally pack up and leave. We are not bamboos after all.

418. Thing Ain’t What They Used To Be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ACD80FRXU

Almost all my friends are males in their 30’s and 40’s. Most of them constantly complain about one thing or another, mainly their jobs and Japan, but sometimes the changing values and the loss of compassion and integrity in people, when they are not afraid to sound like my grandpa.

Lecturing on it for hours to anyone who is unfortunate enough to be around will not help, but acting upon it and trying to fight the system and everyone in it single-handedly will not help either.

One option is to start your own blog and continue your monologue there, while imagining people reading it with a great interest, oh yeah, exactly like what I am doing now. It’s therapeutic, trust me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am fully aware of the emotional responsibility we have for our partners and friends, and I can assure you that I am an excellent listener. I have the patience to just listen, and the ability to understand people. And that’s how I often end up listening to people’s problems, in all detail, for hours on end.

But anyway, if you absolutely hate the idea of blogging, another option would be to go freelance, provided that you had the necessary professional skill. And if that fails, you can always go and live in a farm where you can deliver your preach to the sheep or horses whenever you feel like it. They will certainly thrive on your devotion and attention.

I’m an idealist and a dreamer myself, although I’ve also noticed that things are changing, and not necessarily for the better. But I’ve learned when to shut up and when to step back.

Sometimes the only way to win the war is learn to lose first. And let’s face it, it’s impossible to win every battle. You only have to win the important ones.

There are both good and bad things around us, it doesn’t matter it’s now or “the good old days,” and it doesn’t matter it’s Japan or the States. The real challenge is to adapt to whatever environment you happen to be thrown into, without losing yourself, and stay true to yourself.

Or we can just blame everything either on our unhappy childhood, or better yet, on Hollywood!

417. Get My Party On

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUonuPfLz7E

Before James left, he informed me that he intended to find a bride back in Switzerland as soon as possible and start breeding.  I wished him good luck, which is exactly what he needs.

I can just see 10 years down the road, he will have to pay a huge amount of alimony and child support, for the wife he has never truly loved and the children he hardly has time to see.

Many men want children almost as badly as women. And they want their OWN children, which is a bit egoistic, I think.

Don’t get me wrong, I love children. I’m a magnet with kids everywhere I go (not only with men, mind you). Somehow they just know I will play with them (not applicable to men, hopefully!) But the thing is, I’ve never been very maternal. I don’t think it’s fair to bring another life to this world, while I have lost faith in it myself long ago.

Of course I understand it’s probably the most beautiful experience anyone could possibly have. But I always think one day if I suddenly have the compelling urge to breed, I might just adopt a child. There are too many orphans out there already!

Or, if I really fall in love one day, head over heels with a man who makes me lose any reasoning power I've ever possessed, and I start dreaming about having his baby. Well, maybe then...

James’ approach on breeding is rather courageous, which reminds me of the ancient wisdom of arranged marriages.

I am sure after you learn to compromise, you will finally feel content, but will you be happy though? Love comes in many different forms, you can argue it is love after all, when 2 strangers learn to care for each other deeply enough to tolerate each other’s existence day in and day out.

And when they have children, well yes, they might become actually happy then, from watching their children growing up, but NOT from actively ignoring each other with secret resentment.

Arranged marriages worked before only because people didn’t have too many options. So after the children went to college, they stayed together and tried to find peace, separately.

But nowadays things are very different. After the children leave home, it’s time to say good-bye to their empty nest and divide whatever they have, like all the modern marriages now. In fact, most can’t even wait till all the children go to college!

So why don’t we just forget about the 0.7 child, the 30% paid mortgage and the 99% chance of divorce, and get the party on! 

416. Another One Bites The Dust

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE

James left Japan last month, after having been here for 15 years. Everyone is abandoning this sinking ship. It really sucks!

Me and James met 13 years ago. I answered his ad in Metropolis, well, Tokyo Classified it was called back then. He is a trader from Switzerland, too intelligent to love anyone else but himself. Oh no, nobody can fool James.

He spent most of his time in Tokyo playing around. He has a very long list of conquests, including several married women. I think he should write a blog one day and share his colorful stories.

Well you see, it’s just too easy for him. He is tall, handsome, blond hair and green eyes. He doesn’t smoke or drink. He can’t dance, but he cycles diligently. A typical gym junkie and health freak.

James had a Japanese girlfriend for 5 years. They met when she was 35 years old and the poor girl waited for him patiently. I have no doubt she loved him with all her heart.

But finally she was fed up of waiting, so she found herself another man, an older Japanese gentleman, and soon got engaged to him last winter. That somehow inspired James to propose too and consequently won her back. But only 1 month after that, they broke up again. This time she quickly married the Japanese gentleman, and James turned into a stalker.

I was so mad at James when he told me the whole story at the French restaurant in Grand Hyatt, one of his regular joints. I was rendered speechless at first, amazed at how selfish a man could be.

He doesn’t love her at all, never did and never will. He wants her now only because he finally realized how much he has lost. He believes she can make him happy, which is the only reason why he wants her back.

I asked him to leave her alone and give her a chance to be happy for once. She deserves it, after all the pain she had to go through with him. In fact, I shouted at him right there in the restaurant.

Later he confessed the only other person who had ever told him the same thing was his mum.

Such a baby!

415. Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq2KgzKETBw

Every man should listen to this song carefully, every word of it. It can save a lot of heartaches and headaches for all involved. Believe me.

This post is for all the men out there.

First, you’ve got to spend time with her, in order to really understand her. But at the same time, respect her space without playing games. If you don’t even want to make an effort to understand her, it probably means that you are only in for some fun. Well then, there are many result-oriented girls in the pubs or clubs, you will get along just fine. And if you are in for breeding, perhaps you can try to mail-order a bribe.

“To really love a woman, to understand her

You gotta know her deep inside

Hear every thought, see every dream

And give her wings when she wants to fly”

Second, ALL women need to be reassured about the future. Yes, women are all after security and forever. If she can’t imagine waking up every morning with the same man for the rest of her lives, if she has any doubts, or you need to be convinced and chased, she will simply gives up and moves on.

“When you love a woman

You tell her, that she's really wanted

When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one

'Cuz she needs somebody

To tell her that it's gonna last forever

'Cuz she needs somebody

To tell her that you'll always be together”

Third, intimacy is the key to attachment. She will give her heart to the man who can take her to fly together, not just you flying solo.

“To really love a woman, let her hold you

Till you know how she needs to be touched

You've gotta breathe her, really taste her

Till you can feel her in your blood”

Next, you will find yourself falling deeper and getting attached as well, which will make you vulnerable. But if you don’t give your heart too, she will soon feel that and leave you and your heart alone. You know she can make you happy, but can you make her happy too? You want her love, but can you love her too?

“Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms

You know you really love a woman”

Finally, after she gives you her heart, never, ever take her for granted. You have to treat her right and hold her tight, with your love, trust and respect. Then she will love you more than she loves herself.

“You've got to give her some faith, hold her tight

A little tenderness, you gotta treat her right

She will be there for you, taking good care of you

You really gotta love your woman”

Now tell me, have you ever really loved a woman?

414. Take It Off

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Oh4I5Yn7Bo

I had another very interesting weekend.

Saturday evening, Julie came over with an expensive bottle of red wine and some strawberries. I had chocolate truffles, ice cream, mixed nuts and cheese at home. So we had a quiet girls’ night and chilled out.

And Sunday night, I went to a nearby pub with Julie and Keith, to see another friend, Peter, who was leaving Japan. He and his band had a gig there that night.

I had to say good-bye. I felt bad because I think I might have hurt him, or rather his pride, when I refused to leave Japan with him last month. He was almost in tears, down on his knees…

It’s funny though, I didn’t tell him that I was going and I knew he would be surprised, but I thought he would be at least happy to see me, but instead, he was quite distance that night. Well, perhaps it had something to do with that women sitting right in front of him and taking pics of the band all night.

So in the end I was the one who was surprised. But I am glad he had moved on, very quickly. Aussies never waste their time!

Keith left early. I think he was a bit under the weather that night. But Julie and I really enjoyed the music. We were both drunk enough to be invincibly silly.

Later I introduced Julie to the rest of the band members and she immediately clicked with one of them. No surprise here though. Both of them are Americans, scientists and musicians.

I must admit that I really enjoy connecting people. I don’t believe in networking or socializing. Such disgusting words! But I believe in good friends.

So when 2 friends find each other through me, I can be immensely proud of myself!

413. Such A Night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hs0epThTlpw

I went to a pub last night with a friend who spent all night trying to come to my place, while checking his messages on iPhone and updating his status on Facebook. I guess he was just not very impressed with the band that night.

So basically I was left alone to fend for myself. Many men gave me the once-overs, and some brave ones approached me. One had a very cute pick-up line,

He:  “Do you speak English?”

Me: “Yes?”

He: “Talk to me.”

Me: “What would you like me to talk about?”

(A painful silence ensued)

He: “Are you here alone?”

Me: “Nop.” (Pointing at my useless friend)

He: “Oh sorry.” (He then backed away.)

Actually I have also tried to pretend I didn’t speak English before. But then they would either switch to broken Japanese or just start to speak English very, very slowly…

One of my friends later advised that I should act like I didn’t hear them at all, and ignore them completely. So shall I pretend to be deaf and blind then? Hmmm, perhaps a bit difficult, but I could always work on my acting. It would be fun!

Another friend suggested that I look at them straight on, eyes open wide, and give them the recipe for a really complicated meat pie, in Spanish.

Now that’ll do it, I am sure.

OK seriously now, this is what I usually do: I stay away from pubs!

Well but if I have absolutely nothing else to do and feel like some live music and second-hand smoke, I would find a good friend or 2 to go together, and vigorously avoid any eye contact with any men there.

I have also learned that I don’t really have to dress like a nun, since it doesn’t matter what I wear anyway.

Just to give you some idea, several months ago when I was in New Zealand on holiday, I got wolf-whistled at, wearing a long baggy sweater, leggings, and a pair of old sneakers.

When I told one of my Aussie friends about it, he urged me to dress like a sheep if I wanted more action in NZ. Hmmmm, that sweater I was wearing then is 100% wool. No wonder!