A friend asked for my advice the other day. He is a Japanese salaryman, married with a teenage son, and very much in love, although unreciprocated, with his piano teacher.
He was wondering if he should quit the piano lessons. All he wanted to talk about was his piano teacher.
But I told him I wanted to talk about his marriage first, because he had no right to even consider anything else, before he decided what to do with his marriage.
If he believed there was nothing worth saving with his marriage, then he should just go ahead and get a divorce right away, because he deserved to be happy again. But if he still wanted to stay in his marriage, he should start saving it, now.
I’ve sensed his marriage was in trouble. But I didn’t want to intrude. So I was glad that he brought it up himself, and he obviously trusted me.
He said he wanted to try to save his marriage. Then I suggested that he should stop his piano lessons immediately, and start to behave, because once the trust is broken, his marriage will never be the same again. But he was reluctant. He asked me how to find the courage to quit.
I just can’t believe how weak men are sometimes. Simply appalling!
So I told him to first figure out what he really wanted, and then he would have a clear idea what to do, which in turn would give him the courage he desperately needed.
He went away still confused. But I hope what I said could at least wake him up from his daydreaming. I know he has a heart of gold, and he will find the right path eventually.
Of course it’s hard to quit once you have the addiction. But if you are only considered a nuisance and it brings you nothing else but pain, why would you keep doing it to yourself, unless you are a masochist?!
In fact, I sometimes suspect the whole nation is masochists.