May 29, 2011

303. I am A Good Girl

Some men beg me to be nice; others order me to be good. I really don’t know what they are talking about. I am nothing but nice and good!

Anyway, after Irvin went back to Canada, I met Max the Adorable Golden Boy.

Max is in his 20’s. OK. I know! Please don’t start!

But he is soooo cute! Just like a big teddy bear! Seriously, he looks like an American football team captain in a typical Hollywood movie. And he reads, despite being a banker.

Unfortunately he was obsessed with me, he texted me around the clock, called me every day, and in general made me feel like being stalked.

I’m kind of used to being stalked, but he scared me.

So I ran, as usual.

It’s weird, isn’t it? How do you define stalking? If you don’t like the guy, it’s stalking of course, but if you do like him, does it make it OK then?

I still don’t have the answer, but I suppose it depends on how you want to be chased. Now let’s see from the 4 stages of how a romantic relationship develops: attraction, attachment, addiction and aversion.

First, attraction is not that easy for me already. Actually I don’t feel attracted to most men...

Next I need constant and consistent reminding, but not excessive perusing, in order to build the necessary attachment.

And once I start to feel safe, and allow myself to fall and get addicted, as he has demonstrated he has also fallen and got himself addicted, I don’t really need a lot of attention. I am not high-maintenance. I am too independent in fact…

Finally, oh well, we will deal with aversion when we hit that stage.

But most of the men I dated, the few I actually found attractive enough to date, have failed to establish the attachment with me. To be more precise, they felt attached to me, but I didn’t feel attached to them, and I didn’t feel I needed them, the way they felt they needed me, because they didn’t maintain a regular presence in my life.

Now how am I supposed to know he is serious if he doesn’t write to me every day? How can I tell if he really loves me if he writes to me only when he feels lonely or horny, or both?

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