May 2, 2011

106. Too Bad You Don’t Want Me

Robin deserves a whole new chapter. He is from London, talks like Tony Blair, teaches English at a university here, short and fat, sooooo not my type, although of course I didn’t know that when I answered his ad, “Cynical, wicked, and a slightly warped.”

Here is my first email to him, from my new address,

“Hi, I don't really know why I am doing this, but you might be the one I have been looking for. I'm Asian, but not very Asian inside. I'm not shy, but can be very reserved sometimes. And my sense of humor often gets uncontrollable. Twisted I am, but charming, you'll have to be more specific about that. (I think my dog is very charming, too!)  The Wild Thing “ And his reply goes:

“Dear Wild Thing,

Gosh, I think I have met my match! With a nickname like that, AND an email address like that!

I was happy to get your mail. Of course when I wrote such a message I knew it wasn't 'normal', and wouldn't get (what I imagine) would be normal kind of replies. Some crazy people write to me, and a few that seemed nice, but only wanted to meet me out of 'curiosity' ~ like I was in a circus or something.

Of course, it's my fault, because I wrote the ad the way I did!

My hope was that someone (a kindred spirit, maybe), would read between the lines, and perhaps think I might be someone worth meeting on 'even' terms. So, that brings me back to thanking you for writing to me...

I am sure your dog is correct in judging that you are charming, my bird feels exactly the same way about me. :-)

About me ... Well, everything in my ad is true, but I am not half as 'unpleasant' as I made myself sound.  I'm British, divorced (was once married to a Japanese woman), not a hunk, but not ugly either. Not young though …late 40's, but have the mind of a 12 year-old (the min, not mental age!). 

Like you, I am basically very shy, but when I crack my defensive shield open, I can get a bit out of order.

Had a very varied life, including many years living in very 'extreme' places. But now I'm kind of settled, but suddenly want a like-minded woman in my life somehow. Please notice that I didn't say 'how' I wanted someone in my life. The most I can hope for is meeting someone I like (and likes me), and we become friends. If that turns physical, or remains platonic, that's fine (though, being a man, I might always have *** in the back of my mind. It's a scientific fact! All men think of *** about 150 times a day!). I suppose I would love to find a girlfriend/kindred spirit.

I (probably) said too much already! Could you tell me about you? You said Asian, but does that mean not Japanese? I suppose it's a good idea to tell me all those boring facts about you (age, looks, and all that stuff), as if after writing, we do meet, one of us might feel a bit grumpy that the other one left out a rather important point. (Two heads, 6 kids, a wooden leg ~ that kind of thing).

Bye for now,

Well Robin is witty all right, but also extremely tight-fisted and self-centered. He went and fell madly in love with me even before we actually met. But I lost any interest in him when he was counting the change at the izagaya where we had our first date, and made me pay for some of his drinks and food.

And when he said he was in his late 40’s, he actually meant he was 49. When he said he was 175cm tall, he meant 165cm and probably even shorter.

He told me he just got back from Cambodia for a teachers’ meeting, although he snuck out every day and spent most of his time at a village with some locals, among them, a 21-year-old girl he was trying to help to get out of her poor village. So I asked, “Ha, is she that good in bed?”  And he answered, “Oh no, it was just sex, pure mechanical sex!” So I said, “Really? Were there many machines involved?”

One thing about him I do miss very much though, his curry is simply divine!

No comments:

Post a Comment